Im sick and tired of everyone telling me thier problems like im a dam diary with no strings attached. That they can just pour their feelings into and then leave buried in a pile of dusty books when they have used me to their satisfaction. It seems noone realizes I have a life of my own that is not always so peachy dispite my always extremly sunny disposition. In this life I deal with my father who rants to me almost every day about how I am nothing but an irresponsible child who happens to the the cherry on top of the massive failure that is his life. All the while he is telling me all the things that go wrong for him, and how coming home to my additional failures just makes his suffering worse, i attempt to tell him my life isnt 100% stress free either. With my job bussing at Red Robin...yeah not too stressful at all, if the other bussers did thier jobs...which they do not. On an almost nightly basis i bus almost 100 tables by myself while being paid for 1/4 of that. Not to mention I keep this going on roughly 2 hours of sleep every 2 days, and dispite that, the managers at Red Robin agree Im one of the best bussers theyv ever had...but evough about me busting my almost medically dead from lack of sleep body to almost perfection at my job everyday, when I come home...completely exhausted from this ordeal...all I have to look forward to is the next verbal beration...To this he responds, and i quote "stop making yourself the victim all the time, with this the whole world is out to get me crap" when he has spent the last hour doing exactly that. People who know me will support, i complain alot...but more often than not it is in jest. Opening up and venting for me is a very rare occaision. I will give no respect where no respect is recieved. Both my mother and father constantly use my enlistment as blackmail as well, "thats not how a marine would act," or "i cant wait to see you in boot..." FUCK OFF, no shit im not the worlds number one person, thats why im going. My only hope, is that when, Godwilling I am shipped to battle, that after four years of fighting, on the day I am to come home i take a bullet to the face. This way I can be at peace knowing that i dont have to come home. Whoever said home is where the heart is can fuck off, home is where your relatives constantly measure your failures while ignoring your triumphs, home is where you are constantly on edge as to what you did wrong this time, home is where every day of your life you wish you were somewhere else. To sum this massive complaint up i have only a few more thoughts. Fuck a vast majority of my family...including my incredibly nosey aunt who is the reason im writing this here not facebook (she made me add her so she can watch what i do), fuck all the people who have used me so many fucking times in the fucking past...you know who the fuck you are...and there are alot so if you think your one of them...its probably true, and fuck ever comign back to this country whether that means i moved to Italy, or I got killed in action...hopefully the latter. It is now 1:13a.m., I am done with this massive emo cry-fest which was quite difficult to write...and I am off to another sleepless night.